Burn In Hell Oral Roberts (Guest #3)

I was just remarking to some friends that no famous evil scum have died recently to make it on my reoccurring and wildly popular "Burn In Hell" series. Well I'll be Sarah Palin's retarded child if not one week later, Oral Roberts has finally dropped dead at a whopping 91 years old making many people think he was some kind of witch. Actually, he was............

Oral "Sex" Roberts as he was known to family and children, was an evangelical pentecostal, or crazy man to rational humans, who founded Oral Roberts University in Oklahoma. This of course was inspired by a 900 foot tall Jesus who came into, I mean came to Roberts in a vision. Oral would then dedicate his life to bilking elderly and simple minded people of their life savings even claiming at one point that unless he raised $8 million by that March, God would "call him home." He raised $9.1 million. As Kurt Warner would say, "Thank you jesus!"

Mr. Roberts’s personal life was as prone to crisis as his career. Rebecca, his oldest child, and her husband, Marshall Nash, died in a plane crash in 1977 presumably to avoid the embarrassment of a senile father who frequently rapped with invisible giants wanting to end his life unless some bank got collected and he was able to fly on a private jet. Oops, a little irony there. He is survived by a daughter, Roberta Potts, and a son, Richard Roberts, who succeeded him as president of Oral Roberts University. "Sex" Roberts also fancied himself a bit of a healer a claim his dubious son Richard bolstered in 1987 saying he had actually witnessed his father raise someone from the dead! Of course Richard Roberts is accused of illegal involvement in a local political campaign and lavish spending at donors’ expense, including numerous home remodeling projects, use of the university jet for his daughter’s senior trip to the Bahamas, and a red Mercedes convertible and a Lexus SUV for his wife, Lindsay. But hey, a man's gotta eat.

Oral was the patriarch of the “prosperity gospel,” a theology that promotes the idea that Christians who pray and donate with sufficient fervency will be rewarded with health, wealth, bling, bitches, ridiculous sperm counts, a penchant for boy loving, power over the unicorns, and happiness. This is exactly what the bible teaches within its holiest of pages.

The guy was a con-man, though a very successful one, who dedicated his life to the exact opposite of what he claimed inspired him and filled him with joy. If there was a hell I'd imagine he would be getting filled in the ass by John Holmes while the Devil face raped his blasphemous mouth. At the very least Oral Roberts now joins Charlton Heston and Paul Weyrich as the 3rd member of our "Burn In Hell" club and will meet up with son Ronald who is also dead via suicide.