Burn In Hell Ted Stevens (Guest #4)

Former Senator Ted Stevens is signing in the guest book as he prepares to be fitted with the eternal uniform of the forever damned. The “Alaskan Asshole” has finally died as the reaper took a second shot at the old racist,…I mean Republican (same thing).

Teddy served Alaska from 1968 until 2008, when he mercifully lost to a literate donkey. This geriatric jackass was exposed for the hypocritical crook he was when he was brought up on no less than seven “ethics violation” charges in 2008. Some of the charges included receiving illegal gifts from lobbyists and using your state’s money a la taxes to remodel his personal posh home. The Los Angeles Times reported that Stevens had taken advantage of lax Senate rules to use his political influence to obtain a large amount of his personal wealth. The cranky old coot had to spoil himself when his constituents were losing their meager homes to foreclosure. How can you blame him?

As mentioned before, Stevens almost met his eternal reward/punishment in 1978 when he survived a plane crash that killed his wife which saved her a lifetime of misery and torment being married to an asshole. This time around bony fingers got the tap right and sent Tedroe spiraling down to reacquaint himself with his former lady friend and the myriad of Republicans and “Christians” who act one way and live another while espousing their vast knowledge of the Bible they don’t follow.

Tedinsky is probably most famous for taking Americans hard earned dollars and cents to make the “bridge to nowhere.” This money hoarding side of mouth talking jizz mop who was known for treating strangers and colleagues with a sour distaste usually reserved for ethnics, actually took our tax money to build a bridge that had no purpose According to USA Today, the bridge was to have been nearly as long as the Golden Gate Bridge and taller than the Brooklyn Bridge. Theodore successfully labeled Alaska as a symbol of pork barrel spending and government excess even though Congress heard the outcry of the angered and actually awake public and halted the rape.

So suck it children without food. Piss off homeless man. Forget about education little children and don’t even ask about health care. That’s something Jesus would do. Why monitor our borders when we can build roads into the sky to aid God with our ascension into heaven on a carriage of mud people pulled by gays who were decent people in life, but were fags so they can only look on the pearly gates and not pass through them?

Unfortunately for Ted and fortunately for us, Stevens is dead and going to hell. Pretty sure according to your “good book” that a life lived full of greed and intolerance will send you to old scratch. Enjoy the raping and eternal rotation of Fran Drescher sings Nickelback covering Justin Bieber forever!